I Am Proud To Be
Jazzmine Rixen, 23 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I'm a half German, half Indian girl that lives in Malaysia. For those of you don't know Malaysia is a Muslim country with the population of mostly Malays, Chinese & Indians. It's also a very conservative country... We literally have a written law that states we are not allowed to have anal sex and give/receive blow jobs. Yeah, we need a human rights movement up in this bitch ASAP. Anyway, living here as mixed race kid I was ALWAYS the odd one out. I'm not exaggerating when I say 99.9% of Malaysians are 5ft tall, pitch black hair, really tanned, typically slender (because it's always a competition who's skinnier). Here I am 5ft 7, ever changing hair colour, light skin, full figured, big bug eyes. The list could go on but the point is I was considered to be weird looking.
The whole of my teen years I strived to be "NORMAL" . I starved myself to a sickly 45kg/99pounds , took off all my piercings, dyed my hair black, started doing all the things & pretending to like all the things normal Asians liked. But there was still ALWAYS something that wasn't good enough. Always another pound I could lose, always a better way I could dress.
And the thing about Malaysians is that they are not shy AT ALL to walk up to you , say hello, introduce themselves & then proceed on telling you how "if you did _________ you would look so much better" . Tourists that come here for holiday always say, "Omg, Malaysia is such a friendly country! Everyone is so friendly!" Yup! Everyone IS super friendly! So friendly that I literally can't get my hair washed in a saloon, I can't get my nails done, I can't be polite to a waitress, without being bombarded with suggestions on how I could better MY appearance. See to them, they feel like it's endearing. They really don't see anything wrong with it at all. But if your "endearing" comments have the ability to make me & thousands of other girls go home & starve ourselves until we black the fuck out in the shower... then um... please stop being endearing. Look on a side note, I'm not hating on Asians, they are beautiful people, Malaysia is a beautiful country, but this is MY story so I'm gonna tell it like it is, no sugar coating. It's so taboo here to talk about these things, but hey, somebody has got to do it.
In 2012 I started my Self-Love Instagram called IAmProudToBe where I feature REAL people & REAL stories from people who ARE standing up & saying "Fuck what you think about me because I'm PROUD to be me". I decided to call it IAmProudToBe because I feel that so often people are just so ASHAMED of themselves. Ashamed that they're fat, ashamed that they're gay, ashamed that they're into hardcore sex, etc etc. What has become of society that I can't even do what I want with MY body, that I can't love who I want to love, that I can't fuck the way I want to fuck without being ashamed of it ? That's RIDICULOUS. What I hope to accomplish with all this is to show people they can be PROUD of themselves, no matter who you are you CAN be proud of yourself. How? There's no step-by-step guide on how to love yourself , but I know for a fact that having a "Fuck Off" attitude helps. As in, if anyone tries to bring you down, kill your vibe, tell them to fuck off cuz you fly as hell.
I'm going to end this with something my mom always says: "Why should I care what they think? Are they giving me rice? Are they paying my bills? No! Who cares what they think."